Who's on First? The Nursing Home Show

My mom and I went to visit my grandma on Sunday, for a regular visit with a Mother's Day flair. We arrived at dinner time since we've found her to be the most awake and communicative at that time. She was already seated at her table with her two compatriots Ms. M and Ms. S.

We came in, said hi to her, gave her a kiss on the cheek and pulled up some chairs. She looked really good this Sunday. Her hair was nicely done, she was very alert, and responded well to us being there. Through my mom's research of dementia and Alzheimer's she's come across a lot of ways to understand this memory loss and deterioration and how it fluctuates. Some people talk of it being like Swiss cheese: some days they're all there, some days they're in the hole. Others use the popular rollercoaster analogy, which seems so appropriate for Grandma right now. Two weeks ago she was at a low valley on the rollercoaster, but on Sunday she seemed back at the top.

The ladies were all chatting (sort of) when we got there, and we were soon pulled into a conversation that I can only describe as "Nursing Home Improv." They bounced off each other, but in other ways everyone was conducting their own conversation. I will try to recreate some of it below.

Mom and I sit down at the table.

Ms. S: Oh, I can move for you.

Me: No, no, there's plenty of room, don't you worry.

Ms. S: No, it's okay, I was just leaving anyway. I wonder where they put my car.

Me: No no, stay, they're about to serve dinner. [I turn to Grandma] Are you hungry?

Ms. S: I need to find my car, I don't know where they put it. Is the man coming back?

Grandma: [Leans forward] Hmmm?

Me: Are you hungry?

Grandma: [Smiles and nods]

My mom: Happy Mother's Day, mom. [Turns to ladies] I'm her daughter and this is her granddaughter.

Ms. M: [Turns to Grandma] Did you know that?

Grandma: [Leans forward] Hmmm?

Ms. M: Did you know this was your granddaughter?

Grandma: [Smiles and nods.]

Ms. M: Well you need to tell us, we have to prepare for these things.

Ms. S: [Now has her dinner] I'm just going to have a bite, I'm not that hungry. I have to leave very soon. [Turns to Grandma] Do you have to leave?

Grandma: [Leans forward] Hmm?

Ms. S: Do you have to go?

Grandma: [Shakes her head no, looks contented]

Ms. M: That's just the thing they don't tell you about. There's all that stuff happening that's not good.

Ms. S: Here you can have this [Tries to push her plate to me]

Me: Oh, no, I'm fine, I've already eaten.

Ms. M: [Reaches for Ms. S's plate] We'll have them take this away. She'll bring another one.

Grandma: [To me] Well that's what's just so confusing.

Me: Yeah?

Grandma: [Unintelligible]

Me: [Smiles]

Grandma: [Smiles too, laughs a little]

Ms. M: Those people, you know those people.

Ms. S: I need to be going now. [Tries to get up from her wheelchair].

Ms. M: What time is your party?

Me: You haven't touched your food, I hear the chicken is very good. Oh, it's coconut chicken.

Ms. S: I'm not very hungry, you can have it.

Me: It's okay, I've already eaten.

Ms. M: No carryouts allowed here.

Me: [Rubbing Grandma's back] I hear you're getting ice cream soon.

Ms. S: [Seeing me rub Grandma's back] Can you get me right here? [Points to her left shoulder].

Me: [Laughing] Oh, sure. [Rub her shoulder].

Ms. S: A little lower, you can press harder.

Grandma: [Unintelligible]

Me: [Smiles]

The conversation pretty much went in loops the whole time. Grandma didn't say much, and when she did it was hard to understand. Ms. M seemed pretty with it, very aware of what was going on around her and what people were saying. Even if they said something off topic she'd respond to it appropriately. Whenever Ms. S would push away her food Ms. M would try and help her clear it away.

Ms. S kept trying to leave the whole time we were there and wouldn't eat much. She also kept putting her hand on my arm and despite the balmy temperature of the dining room they felt like ice. Every time she touched my arm I'd gasp, say, "You have the coldest hands!" and try to warm them up between my hands. She seemed to like this and find it funny, and I started to wonder if she was repeating it on purpose.

It's hard to adequately portray what hanging out at dinner in the Nursing home is like. It's controlled chaos (people getting up from their chairs, people yelling at the nurses, people falling asleep). And while sometimes is sad and sometimes its scary, a lot of times its just funny. The loops of conversations are funny. The way the ladies bug each other and then forget that they were bugged is funny. And its always funny when a resident recognizes that another resident (or even nurse) is acting odd. For instance, the other day one of the orderlies was trying to lighten things up so she started dancing around the room and singing. Ms. S looked up at her and said "I don't think you should drive." Hilarious.

I really enjoy going down there and visiting (even on the holes in the Swiss cheese days) and I'm going to try and make it a point to go regularly. I'm also considering spending some time at a nursing home nearer to me. I have a little time to give, and I enjoy the older crowd. They have stories to tell, enjoy the company, and often crack me up.